Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
