I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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