Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
