My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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