So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
