I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
