you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
