All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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