I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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