Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
