I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
