You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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