Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
