Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
