i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
