You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize