we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
