the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
