do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
