Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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