Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
