i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
