Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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