hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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