I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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