Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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