nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
