so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
