mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
