pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
