im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize