I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
