The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
