I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
