Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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