Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
