The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
