Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
