no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
