I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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