Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
