I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
