made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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