i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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