No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
