see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
