i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
