just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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