You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
