My friends, they love my intelligence
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
