let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
