Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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