My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
