I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
