every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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