if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
