Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize