he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
