mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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