i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize