At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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