Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
