Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
