what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
