As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
