I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
