Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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