I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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