There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
