New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize