I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
