Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize