Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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