Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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