Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
