can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think people are normalizing furries
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
