I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
