we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
