I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
