i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
