Ambien. No doubt about it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
