Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
