Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
