dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
