I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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