my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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