stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
